How do people deal with today’s crazy dating trends in the era of online dating?
Trends like haunting, breadcrumbing, benching, and…
If you’re a regular reader of my blog and/or listen to my podcast, Pretty Powerful Podcast with ChaCha & Friends, then you know that my personality is such that I had to go find out what they were talking about.
Hey, I’m Nosey Like That!
As a result, I have to know what’s happening in the hi-tech new and improved dating world so that I can at least pretend to have an educated opinion on the topic.
If you think the dating trends I picked for this post are out there, you should check out the COVID-era list on the POF blog.
It’s like, “Seriously?”
Dating Trends Definitions
To begin, I’m providing a short definition of the dating trends I chose for this post because, let’s face it, they’re freaking hilarious and clamor to be addressed.
Afterward, I’ll go over each one again and will provide you with strategies for how to deal with them if you’re on the receiving end.
If you’re on the other end, you know, the one where you’re dishing it out, I have only two words for you: Stop it!
It’s adulting time, but if you insist on playing in the sand box, treat your playmates with dignity and respect. Kind of like the way you want to be treated.
That said, let’s get on with this ridiculously interesting topic.
Even though I wrote a post on ghosting and one on zombieing, I’m including their definitions and strategies for dealing with them here, just in case you haven’t read those posts.
DATING TREND #1 – GHOSTING
Ghosting is when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with no warning or notice whatsoever.
Mostly, the person who’s doing the ghosting will avoid phone calls, social media posts, and DMs.
Moreover, they’ll dodge the ghostee in public as if they had the plague.
DATING TREND #2 – HAUNTING
This one’s short and sweet…
Haunting is when the person who put so much effort into making you feel irrelevant by ghosting you, decides to hit you up again, like nothing ever happened.
You know, because they think they have it like that and what not.
DATING TREND #3 – ZOMBIEING
Zombieing is when someone you previously dated (and very likely cared deeply for) ghosts you, only to resurface sometime later, most likely in the form of some sort of social media interaction or an out of the blue text message.
Unfortunately, it usually happens just when you’ve gotten over the hurt of having been ghosted in the first place.
DATING TREND #4 – BREADCRUMBING
Breadcrumbing is when the “crush” has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention, so they keep the poor, ignorant person who’s completely oblivious that they’re being played, on the hook, just in case nothing better shows up.
Kind of like the spare tire in the trunk of a car.
The crush will flirt here and there, send DMs/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing full and well that the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
DATING TREND #5 – BENCHING
Benching is when an individual starts dating someone they think is nice and who has potential, but they’re not crazy about and aren’t sure they want to end up with them, so they place them in a mental “maybe” folder.
In addition, they give the person just enough to keep them on the hook, while they keep their options open in case they come across a better prospect.
Last, but not least…
DATING TREND #6 – SITUATIONSHIP
Situationship is when you just chill with someone, have sex, and don’t define the relationship.
The person who wants clarification is placed on an emotional roller coaster ride, full of confusion and massive amounts of doubt.
Moreover, if you press for clarification of what’s going on between you and the other person, you’ll get a nonchalant attitude.
The attitude is almost always accompanied by comments such as, “Slow your roll,” and “You can’t force a feeling.”
Self-Love And Self-Respect Go A Long Way
All of the dating trends I discussed have two things in common:
One person has all of the power in the relationship, and it isn’t the one on the receiving end.
Furthermore, the person without the power is an option, not a priority. They’re not being respected, and their feelings are simply not relevant.
So, how does the one on the receiving end begin to deal with these dating trends?
By taking their power back.
First, they need to apply some self-love and self-respect.
Second, they need to show Mr. or Miss Crush over there that no one has the right to disrespect, use or abuse them.
And It Looks Like This…
So you’ve been dating the person for the last three months then all of a sudden “Poof!” They do an invisible man act on you.
No warning and no explanation.
What should you do?
Don’t sit around waiting for them to call or checking their social media and making yourself miserable.
As a matter of fact, don’t give them a chance to check your social media out, or have access to you via phone calls, text messages, etc.
- Cut them off at the root
- Delete them from every form of communication you have (phone, FB, IG, whatever)
- Unless they’re coming back with a justifiable explanation and an apology, there’s no such thing as a second chance.
Trust me, if they’re really sorry and really interested, they’ll find a way to get through to you. Don’t make it easy for them.
They need to apply as much energy as they did in ghosting you, to convincing you that they can be trusted again.
You’re going to try to hit somebody up after you disappeared on them without so much as an explanation?
Here’s how to handle this one:
- The ghost who is now haunting you better have some big, white envelopes and some nice, red fine tip markers, plus stamps.
- They know where you live. The explanation goes to that address and it better be a good one.
- No explanation? Nothing to talk about.
- You ghosted someone, and now you want to turn their life into an episode of the Walking Dead? I don’t think so.
- First, he or she is completely erased, remember? Vanished from all forms of communication with you.
- Second, because they’re erased, they better have a stamp and an envelope, plus a nice red gel pen, so they can write the words, “This is an explanation and an apology” in big bold letters on the back of the envelope. Otherwise, the envelope and its contents will go into the trash unopened.
- Third, he or she need not bother reaching out to the family or friends of the person they’re zombieing. They already know he/she is a dirtbag. All they’ll get from family and friends is a reminder of how much of a dirtbag they are.
Another short one…
- At the first sign of breadcrumbing, make it clear that the only time you’ll accept breadcrumbs is when you’re going to take a hike in an unfamiliar forest and will need the breadcrumbs as markers to help you get back out.
- They better mean in the gym with weights.
- Intuitively, women know when men aren’t that into them; and when they have them on the back burner but aren’t ready or willing to take it to the next level.
- Don’t disregard your intuition because you’re all caught up in feelings that aren’t reciprocated.
- Refuse to go into the “Maybe” folder. Be no one’s option, not even your own.
- They can’t make up their mind? You’re not that important, so say “bye” and slam the door in their faces.
- So, someone wants to be with you but won’t define the relationship, keeps you on an emotional roller coaster ride, and constantly confused about what’s going on between you?
- Ah, no!!
- If three months into the situationship you ask them to define the relationship and they respond with comments like, “Slow your roll,” or “You can’t rush a feeling,” show the fool to the door.
- Moreover, don’t waste your precious time on commitment-phobes or narcissistic douchebags who can’t make up their minds about what they want from one moment to the next.
So, there you have it. Today’s dating trends and how to deal with them.
They all have one thing in common—the person on the receiving end is an option, not a priority.
In addition, it’s all about the gratification of the one who’s dishing it out. They have all of the power.
The strategies for dealing with these dating trends are rooted in a firm foundation of self-love and self-respect.CHACHA REYES
Hence, if you love and respect you, you won’t allow anyone to treat you like a play thing.
Regardless of what others may think or say, you do have the power to show people your worth, and how to treat you.
If you accept unacceptable behavior from the onset of a relationship, they’ll expect you to continue accepting the unacceptable.
So, don’t accept shorts from anyone.
Now, go out there and take your power back.
Show them whose boss.