Alas, you meet the man of your dreams, or so you thought until he ghosted you. He just up and disappeared after a few months of dating, and of telling you that you were the best thing that ever happened to him.
Moreover, he used the three sacred words that turn every woman’s world upside down, and right side up again.
Everything about him led you to believe that he was the one. Then all of a sudden “poof,” he did an Invisible Man act on you.
He Couldn’t Possibly Be Ghosting You
Or could he?
You called, texted, instant messaged, and emailed him.
Additionally, you contacted his friends and his job just to make sure that he wasn’t sick or in an accident.
His best friend stuttered while telling you he hadn’t heard from him in days, which wasn’t true.
And according to the receptionist at his job, he was in a meeting when you called and would call you back later.
What about his social media?
No more access.
The female mind is designed to seek out the whys behind the things that happen. So, you think and think then it dawns on you that the signs were there.
For example, he adamantly refused to meet your sister. That was a major clue.
Moreover, his posts started to gradually disappear from your Facebook newsfeed. That was another major clue.
And he was taking longer to respond to your texts and sometimes didn’t respond at all. Yeah! That one was a big red flag.
But you dated for a few months. He wouldn’t do that to you.
Only that he did. He ghosted you. And he did it in the way we women hate the most. A complete cut-off!
There was no explanation whatsoever.
So, What Happened?
It’s not easy being ghosted.
Especially after being in a relationship for a while.
There were emotional investments made, and bonds of trust that were formed.
And drop you without an explanation?
That’s just plain cowardly and cold.
Unfortunately, it’s what’s happening more and more these days.
Turning the phone off, blocking calls, not responding to text messages, and deleting people from social media, etc., has become the new break-up trend.
So, how do we bounce back from it?
Is Our High-Tech Way of Living to Blame for Ill-Mannered Human Behavior?
Regardless of this high-tech world that we live in, the virtual disappearing act is wrong and can create a lot of problems for the person being ghosted..
Especially if the person has already had bad relationship experiences, and/or struggles with low self-esteem, and feelings of low self-worth.
When you’ve been hurt, the first place you turn to when relationships go bad is inward.
You don’t see things in terms of what the party ghosting you did that caused the relationship to go south.
In the mind of the ghosted, it becomes about what they did or didn’t do right, and when no explanation is given, it makes it all the more difficult to not think that way, and to blame oneself.
It’s important for me to be as clear as I can possibly be on this key point:
Whether it was a gradual fade, or a complete overnight disappearing act, the majority of the time the person being ghosted isn’t the problem.
The cowardly, emotionally immature douche bag who lacked the intestinal fortitude to be honest, is.
So, how do you process being ghosted when you don’t know what went wrong, your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are shot, and chances are great that you’re never going to get an explanation?
What To Do If You’re Ghosted
1. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO HURT.
Go ahead and cry, and acknowledge your anger. You’ve every right to be. Someone you opened yourself up to and trusted treated you like your feelings meant nothing. Like you meant nothing.
So, yeah, you’re going to experience a whole lot of emotions as a result of the betrayal. And none of them very good.
As long as you don’t attack the ghost, or do something to hurt yourself or others, work through the betrayal in whatever healthy way you need to get to the other side.
2. PRACTICE SELF COMPASSION.
Go easy on yourself and have empathy for your own emotions. There was no way you could’ve known this would happen. You met someone, liked him and he liked you.
You dated and it didn’t work out. There was no way of knowing the person would be so callous. You did what comes naturally to human beings—you trusted someone. That’s not an indictment against you. It’s an indictment against the person who ghosted you.
So, be kind to you. Nurture you. Love you and treat yourself the way you’d treat a close friend or relative going through the same thing.
3. EAT WELL, EXERCISE AND GET PLENTY OF REST.
There’s nothing that runs down the body like stress. Especially, stress like the one we experience post-break-up. To help manage the stress, meditate, do yoga, exercise, and eat healthy. And get eight hours of sleep every night at a minimum.
A run-down body won’t bounce back from a breakup quickly if its defenses were already down pre-breakup, so stay on top of your game.
I always say that talk therapy was invented for me. Why do I say that? Because my mind is clearer and I feel 100% better after talking to a close friend, family member or even a therapist about what I’m going through.
Talking is how I process things when I encounter stupid, insensitive, ignorant, ungrateful, self-entitled, and arrogant people.
It looks like I’m processing right now, huh?
But I’m not talking. I’m writing, which leads me to my next point.
Some people have a hard time placing what they’re thinking and feeling into words. That’s where journaling comes in. You get the same effect as talking, only that you’re capturing your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on paper.
If you have a hard time starting out, there are tons of websites like this one, that provides readers with journal prompts to get them started.
6. GET UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND GET BACK OUT THERE.
I know it’s hard to trust again, especially if you really cared about the person who ghosted you.
But once you’ve completed your inner work the best thing you can do for yourself is to get back out there.
Rejection is hard, but contrary to what we think, it’s not a bad thing.
As I stated in a previous blog post, all rejection really means is that the jerk who ghosted you wasn’t the right fit for you and that the one who is the right fit is waiting for you to get back out there.
So, get back out there!
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Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’ve been gone for a while. But I’m back. So, more blog posts will be coming your way.
Take care of you.