When The Ghost Becomes a Zombie: Dating Advice
Your personal “Walking Dead” movie has started and you need some serious dating advice: What to do when the ghost becomes a zombie. You were ghosted by someone you thought was the one and now he’s back as a zombie.
He came across as a great guy who was totally into you. Then one day for no good reason you can think of, he disappeared.
Good, old social media.
Just when you thought your ghost had moved on to ghost his next victim, there he is liking your Instagram, Facebook, Snaps, Tik Tok posts, and videos, etc.
You even received a text message and a DM from him stating in a very matter of fact way, “How you doing?” and “Long time don’t hear from you?”
Your first thought was, “Isn’t this the fool who ghosted me after months of dating without so much of an explanation?”
It sure is!
He’s back in full zombie mode acting like he got caught up in a time warp, and got off the day before he started to ghost you, and guess what?
You still don’t have an explanation.
YOUR GHOST IS ALL OF A SUDDEN LIKE A SCENE OUT OF THE WALKING DEAD
Hold onto that thought, we’ll come back to it. I promise.
For now, let’s focus on the dating culture social media has helped to perpetuate.
Social media has added a brand new spin to dating and with it a whole lot of labels for the behaviors that people engage in to start a romantic relationship, or walk away from one.
Labels like ghosting, haunting which by definition is the same as zombieing, breadcrumbing, and zombieing, etc.
Hey, dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, etc., have to contribute something of value to society, right? Why not dating complications?
We seem to have completely lost the ability to reach out and touch somebody as indicated by these new dating trends,
You remember, don’t you? That thing where two people talk face-to-face in real time and are honest about their feelings, and the way forward, or not, in a relationship.
I discussed ghosting in the post before this one. Including the reasons some people ghost, and how to bounce back from it.
In this post, we’re turning our attention to the behavior that usually follows ghosting.
WHAT EXACTLY IS ZOMBIEING?
The Urban Dictionary defines zombieing as someone you previously dated (and very likely cared for) or were even in a relationship with, ghosting you, then showing back up sometime later, most likely through social media in some form of interaction, such as liking one of your posts or an out of the blue text message.
Additionally, the definition states that the zombieing usually happens when you’ve gotten over the hurt associated with having that “great” guy or girl ghost you in the first place.
Yeah, when you’re finally over the hurdle they decide to crawl out of their graves and get into your head again because they want that gray matter.
It’s a metaphor, but it’s exactly what they’re after.
We can take that thought I asked you to hold on to and get ugly about it now, but not quite yet.
First, let’s examine a few reasons why they might decide to zombie you, and then we can get ugly.
DATING ADVICE FOR WHEN THE GHOST BECOMES A ZOMBIE
Here are a few reasons why he/she may zombie you along with some advice on what you can do:
He/she may be a narcissist in need of narcissistic supply (for more information on this, visit this blog post).
Narcissists need a constant source of narcissistic supply. It’s what helps to keep their over-inflated egos going.
When one source shuts down, they zombie around until they find another source, and they’ll ghost you again.
The best way to get rid of the narcissist zombie for good is to drain, not fuel his need for narcissistic supply.
Ignore the crap out of him, and completely shut him out. Show him what self-respect looks like.
They may be bored and are looking for a pass time.
Cruel as it may seem, there are people who objectify other people to the point where they don’t care about the emotional pain they cause by popping up out of nowhere with no real intentions of sticking around.
Unfortunately, social media facilitates objectification. When someone is virtually present but physically absent, it’s easier to walk away.
You can quickly nip the pass time zombie attempt in the bud by keeping at the forefront of your mind that the only reason for your ghost to contact you is to apologize.
Just two little words: I’m sorry.
No apology? Introduce him/her to two other words: Bye, Felicia!
He/she saw too many photos of you moving on, and decided to test the waters to see if you really got over him/her.
Conceited and vain don’t even begin to describe this group of zombies. They’re kind of like the narcissists—full of themselves.
Don’t go pick the trash up at the curb after you’ve dumped it. This holds even more true if it dumped itself out.
When a self-serving, inconsiderate douche bag ghosts you, delete or block him/her.
Moreover, don’t unblock or undelete them. They wanted to be ghosts, let them be ghosts. Value yourself enough to not allow anyone to come in and out of your life like you’re a revolving door.
People will treat you the way you teach them to treat you. Allow yourself to be used and abused, and you’re going to be used and abused
He/she may feel bad about how things ended and want to make it right.
A repentant zombie who wants to make it right is always worth a listen, as long as their first sentence begins with, “I’m sorry.”
Zombieing without remorse is not being sorry about how things ended, or for hurting your feelings and breaking your trust.
It actually tells you a lot about your ghost turned zombie.
Particularly, that they’ve got a twisted sense of entitlement that shows zero regards for others.
Show regards for yourself, don’t even bother to say “bye.”
The most poignant and memorable statements are made in silence.
I can’t begin to express the indignation that I felt as I was conducting the research for this blog post.
The blatant disregard for the feelings of others (and I don’t care what justification a person thinks he/she has for ghosting then zombieing someone) is just plain wrong.
I started down the coaching, blogging, and podcasting path with one goal in mind: To provide my peeps with self-development and growth strategies, and tools that’d help them overcome the difficulties they encounter in everyday life.
Moreover, I wanted to encourage and empower them to eliminate the obstacles that keep them from becoming the very best version of themselves.
In this instance case, the obstacle to be eliminated is the loser who doesn’t possess the courage to simply speak his/her truth.
If it’s not working, it’s not working. It’s that simple.
Wait! Did you hear that? The ghost turned zombie just spoke? What was it he said?
That he didn’t want to hurt the person’s feelings?
Well, guess what? You hurt them anyway and three times as badly as if you had simply had the courage and consideration to speak your truth.
To those of you who’ve been ghosted and are being zombied, I say, decayed flesh─eww!
Love yourself enough to not let anyone think they’re entitled to hurt you then come and go as they please.
More importantly, delete, block, hypnotize yourself to forever forget their number, and don’t let those ghosts resuscitate again.
Okay, end of rant. Until the next blog post.
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Take care of you.